ENOUGH OF THE CONTRADICTIONS!
Well, first off i should apologize for it being so long (well over a month) since my last post, my deepest apologies. But in the last month I have been faced with a fury of emotional strain and contradictory feelings. One of the biggest instances i'm not at liberty to discuss on here, but the latest I need to, to get it all off my chest. I should warn all of you who are reading this, I think you should prepare yourselves for a lengthy post...
Just so that there isn't any confusing, I am in track and I run the 110 meter high hurdles. I have been running hurdles since the 7th grade and found it rather fitting that i take up the high hurdles in high school and have been doing them for the last four years. I've worked really hard on them setting fairly high goals for myself each year. For most of them it was to scrape seconds off of my time, which i was able to do every year, sometimes almost over a whole second. Well, this year, my senior year, has been no exception. One of my goals since starting highs in my freshman year was to run in the 15 to 16 second range which is a pretty competative time for the highs. Well, I have reached that goal and was able to run within that range twice. Another of my goals was to place first in a track meet at least once, well I accomplished that as well and also twice. As my times improved, I found out that on a website (www.statsandgo.com) my best time was listed as one of the best in our district, which put me in the position of maybe making it to state. So I didn't really want to admit that goal, I still had it, to go to state. Well, after my 2 1st place finishes i didn't do as well, but then the conference meet came and I ran an alright time and placed 3rd, I was happy, it's a good finish. After that, came the district meet, the important one, the state qualifying meet. I was quite nervous because I was going to meet several guys that I had previously beaten and one had beaten me once and another guy who I had never beaten. But the key in the district meet is to place in the top 3 in order to qualify for the state meet for guys. Well, I ran my preliminary race in a relatively good time, i think it was 16:08 officially, and I also won my prelim. which was good enough for a good lane placement in the final heat later in the day. When the final came around, I had earned the lane 3 spot which is one of the better lanes. Going into the final race, I was getting pretty nervous because i knew there was a good chance to go to state if I didn't screw it up, and my coach also knew that I was nervous and gave me a pep-talk i will never forget. He said "don't worry about it, just run." Wow, i was taken aback by the simplicity but also the deep roots that the words took. I came to believe in them so much that I told them to a friend of mine who is a girl who also had a very good chance of going to state and was going to run right after me and was quite nervous. I said to her, "don't worry about it, You don't have to impress anyone, do your best and just run." quoting my coach. She said she also found comfort in those words. But anyway, my race was about to begin, we had taken our run throughs and the starter blew his whistle to let everyone know we were about to begin and for us to take our sweats off. He then said the imfamous "runners to your marks," then the pause as the athletes do their routines and settle into their comfort spots in the blocks, then the "set" as the starter raises his other arm with the gun, and after a brief pause and all athletes steady, the sound of the gun. The athletes' bodies lurch forward at the sound of the gun beginning the race, fighting for position. we all hit the first hurdle and begin to separate some from eachother. The race was tight the whole way over the 110 meters and the 10 flights of 39 inch hurdles. As we came over the finish line I knew I had done well, not won, but close. I heard my dad yell, and my teamates and coach along with him. At this point it began to sink in that I might have just qualified for state and also I had run my best time yet, but all i could do was walk to the edge of the track and fall to my knees, then on to my stomach in shock. It wasn't official yet, but we were all pretty sure. So we waited, for the official results to be annouced over the P.A. Some time later, after some post-race congradulations, the results begun to be read. Then I heard it, "2nd place, Adam Hengeveld from Hartley Melvin Sanborn with a time of 15.61." I couldn't believe it, I had done something that I never really expected, I had qualified for state, and run my fastest time yet. As the congradulations started to come in, realizations began to pop into my head, not so positive ones. I began to realize that aside from it being an incredible honor and accomplishment, it was also becoming a large inconvenience. I began to think of all of the things I would miss out on, and later in the day after I found I would be running my preliminary race on thursday, May 19th, 2005 at 4:50, at Drake Statium in Des Moines, Iowa, I also found out i would be missing out on many more things. I will go in chronological order of how there were going to take place for me. My coach is planning for us to leave for Des Moines the Wednesday night after our Senior Class Night. As it is custom, there had been a class get together planned for after it aswell. But this year, a friend of mine decided to break the tradition of everyone going out and getting sloppy drunk to instead hosting a root beer kegger. I was rather excited because me not being a drinker/partier, this would provide me a chance to participate in a kegger and it not be illegal. So that was the first thing, the next is me missing out on the last day of classes of my high school career. This day would have held some very fond memories, but also a final test i will now have to prepare for and take earlier. One item of interest is the fun auction of various items in spanish class. Throughout the year, for scoring well on tests/quizes, our teacher gives us money, or pesos that we can spend in the auction, well, I now have all that money and i can't even participate. Also, that thursday night, our spanish teacher invited all of us in the spanish 4 class to supper at her house, which I will now miss out on. So, aside from just simply missing my last day of basically, school there are so many other things as well. In all of this, I am having an extremely difficult time trying to find the good in now qualifying for state, which in and of itself makes me even more frustrated that I can't even find it in me to be proud and excited for my accomplishment. I guess I can just ended it here, I really don't think it would be necessary to describe any further details, I am already upset enough, which is so horrible of me. God help me to find the good in this great accomplishment of mine....
God's Peace,
Adam
Just so that there isn't any confusing, I am in track and I run the 110 meter high hurdles. I have been running hurdles since the 7th grade and found it rather fitting that i take up the high hurdles in high school and have been doing them for the last four years. I've worked really hard on them setting fairly high goals for myself each year. For most of them it was to scrape seconds off of my time, which i was able to do every year, sometimes almost over a whole second. Well, this year, my senior year, has been no exception. One of my goals since starting highs in my freshman year was to run in the 15 to 16 second range which is a pretty competative time for the highs. Well, I have reached that goal and was able to run within that range twice. Another of my goals was to place first in a track meet at least once, well I accomplished that as well and also twice. As my times improved, I found out that on a website (www.statsandgo.com) my best time was listed as one of the best in our district, which put me in the position of maybe making it to state. So I didn't really want to admit that goal, I still had it, to go to state. Well, after my 2 1st place finishes i didn't do as well, but then the conference meet came and I ran an alright time and placed 3rd, I was happy, it's a good finish. After that, came the district meet, the important one, the state qualifying meet. I was quite nervous because I was going to meet several guys that I had previously beaten and one had beaten me once and another guy who I had never beaten. But the key in the district meet is to place in the top 3 in order to qualify for the state meet for guys. Well, I ran my preliminary race in a relatively good time, i think it was 16:08 officially, and I also won my prelim. which was good enough for a good lane placement in the final heat later in the day. When the final came around, I had earned the lane 3 spot which is one of the better lanes. Going into the final race, I was getting pretty nervous because i knew there was a good chance to go to state if I didn't screw it up, and my coach also knew that I was nervous and gave me a pep-talk i will never forget. He said "don't worry about it, just run." Wow, i was taken aback by the simplicity but also the deep roots that the words took. I came to believe in them so much that I told them to a friend of mine who is a girl who also had a very good chance of going to state and was going to run right after me and was quite nervous. I said to her, "don't worry about it, You don't have to impress anyone, do your best and just run." quoting my coach. She said she also found comfort in those words. But anyway, my race was about to begin, we had taken our run throughs and the starter blew his whistle to let everyone know we were about to begin and for us to take our sweats off. He then said the imfamous "runners to your marks," then the pause as the athletes do their routines and settle into their comfort spots in the blocks, then the "set" as the starter raises his other arm with the gun, and after a brief pause and all athletes steady, the sound of the gun. The athletes' bodies lurch forward at the sound of the gun beginning the race, fighting for position. we all hit the first hurdle and begin to separate some from eachother. The race was tight the whole way over the 110 meters and the 10 flights of 39 inch hurdles. As we came over the finish line I knew I had done well, not won, but close. I heard my dad yell, and my teamates and coach along with him. At this point it began to sink in that I might have just qualified for state and also I had run my best time yet, but all i could do was walk to the edge of the track and fall to my knees, then on to my stomach in shock. It wasn't official yet, but we were all pretty sure. So we waited, for the official results to be annouced over the P.A. Some time later, after some post-race congradulations, the results begun to be read. Then I heard it, "2nd place, Adam Hengeveld from Hartley Melvin Sanborn with a time of 15.61." I couldn't believe it, I had done something that I never really expected, I had qualified for state, and run my fastest time yet. As the congradulations started to come in, realizations began to pop into my head, not so positive ones. I began to realize that aside from it being an incredible honor and accomplishment, it was also becoming a large inconvenience. I began to think of all of the things I would miss out on, and later in the day after I found I would be running my preliminary race on thursday, May 19th, 2005 at 4:50, at Drake Statium in Des Moines, Iowa, I also found out i would be missing out on many more things. I will go in chronological order of how there were going to take place for me. My coach is planning for us to leave for Des Moines the Wednesday night after our Senior Class Night. As it is custom, there had been a class get together planned for after it aswell. But this year, a friend of mine decided to break the tradition of everyone going out and getting sloppy drunk to instead hosting a root beer kegger. I was rather excited because me not being a drinker/partier, this would provide me a chance to participate in a kegger and it not be illegal. So that was the first thing, the next is me missing out on the last day of classes of my high school career. This day would have held some very fond memories, but also a final test i will now have to prepare for and take earlier. One item of interest is the fun auction of various items in spanish class. Throughout the year, for scoring well on tests/quizes, our teacher gives us money, or pesos that we can spend in the auction, well, I now have all that money and i can't even participate. Also, that thursday night, our spanish teacher invited all of us in the spanish 4 class to supper at her house, which I will now miss out on. So, aside from just simply missing my last day of basically, school there are so many other things as well. In all of this, I am having an extremely difficult time trying to find the good in now qualifying for state, which in and of itself makes me even more frustrated that I can't even find it in me to be proud and excited for my accomplishment. I guess I can just ended it here, I really don't think it would be necessary to describe any further details, I am already upset enough, which is so horrible of me. God help me to find the good in this great accomplishment of mine....
God's Peace,
Adam
posted by Adam | 5:52 PM
2 Comments:
Life goes on... there will be lots more goals for you to meet, lots more firsts and lasts of things as you continue life. I pray that you did well this week and took no regrets. You are one step closer to graduation this should be a happy time for you!
God Bless
I think you sound as though your perspective has begun to change. But for what it's worth, my advice to you comes from a song sung by Kutless: "Who could you be if your lens was changed for a moment,would you still be the same?
Yesterday, you really couldn't see,
by changing your angle a new world would be revealed to your once blinded eyes by moving a few degrees."
You should listen to the song ("Perspecitives"); it is comforting and encouraging! God bless!
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